So, I'm a little nervous about my employer's decision to move me into a full-time position. Actually, I'm quite nervous. But I was thinking about it last night and I began to see the benefits of not becoming a permanent employee here. I wouldn't still be at work at 8:30. Or 9:30. Or 10:30. Also, I wouldn't be doing work for giant corporations basically convincing people to buy things they don't need or have the money for. That is pretty much what I hate about graphic design. So often it seems to be used for evil. Aren't we in a recession? Shouldn't the American consumer be evaluating what living within their means looks like? Should companies like the one I work for really be convincing people that one more gadget will make them hipper, their life a little better? How much of a hypocrite am I for working here even though I don't believe in what I am doing? And why are my fingers always cold?
Other than my ethical dilemma, things are going fairly well. I work a lot. Basically 12 and 13 hour days. This week, I had two days where I left at 8. That was really exciting. I was kind of hoping today would be one of those days, but that was wishful thinking. Instead I am here, waiting on these files to finish rendering. But I suppose it is a good thing because now I am blogging. And it has been a while.
Since I missed getting to write about what I was thankful for on Thanksgiving I'll do that now...
1. I'm thankful that I am here in NY. It took a while to be thankful for that, but I am now. I'm beginning a life here. And that is good. Because there were many days where I sat in my apartment believing that I had made the biggest mistake of my life moving here and that I was an incredibly foolish person for having done it. I no longer feel that way. I think a large part of that rests on the fact that if I suddenly quit existing in the city someone (other than my roommates) would notice. Also, I'm beginning to feel a sense of community here. I don't like feeling lonely and have never been good at living solitarily. But now I seem to be making some friends and attempting to get involved at church, although I don't know how much I will be able to commit to that if I stay at this job.
2. I'm thankful for free movies at MoMA on Fridays. Without that I don't think I would have the opportunity to see obscure movies that I otherwise couldn't. I usually try to get there a little early and see different parts of the museum, but the crowds are so overwhelming on free Fridays that I usually look at the photography section and then go sit in the theater and read until my movie starts.
3. I'm thankful for my friends still keeping up with me. I've been incommunicado the past two and a half weeks, but they are still calling me and trying to keep up with me. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Especially because I miss all of them tremendously and wish they could all move up here with me. But they have their lives to lead, so I suppose I'll be understanding.
4. I'm thankful for Lauren sending me the soundtrack to Spring Awakening in the mail. I was so surprised and excited. I haven't stopped listening to it since I got it. FYI - We saw Spring Awakening this past weekend. It was my first Broadway performance as a New Yorker.
5. I'm thankful for my family paying for me to come home for Christmas. I'm so excited. Although my plan of making Christmas presents because I am flat broke hasn't been going so well. Really, it was getting this crazy job. But whatever, I'm ready to see my family. And my miscellaneous friends who will be in the area.
Okay, that is enough. I'm still waiting on these files to render, but I need to stop myself before I write a novel. I miss everyone so much and I can't wait to see most of you around Christmas!!!!
3 comments:
Yeah, it's a lot harder to design for something you don't believe in, or that you wouldn't buy in a million years. That's why I enjoyed designing for non-profit. It was actually fun on occasion.
About your fingers being cold -- maybe it's connected to an interruption in your time-space continuum, or some funny business in your parallel universe. Or maybe it's an Illustrator "easter egg" courtesy of Adobe. All jokes aside, when I spend too much time at the computer, my hands get cold from staying basically in one place all the time, especially my left hand, because the mouse is practically fused to my palm.
It's hard because I feel gratified knowing now that I am capable of doing the level of work they do. But I don't believe in what I am doing for various reasons and so it just feels empty. On the other hand an income would be helpful.
Illustrator totally would leave me an "easter egg" of cold hands. Blast you, Illustrator. It probably does have something to do with my right hand rarely leaving the mouse/pen and my left constantly poised over the keyboard for various shortcuts. I'm also curious if it has anything to do with the stiffness I regularly feel in my hands early in the morning and late at night. I'm pretty sure I have arthritis in my hands, which is sad seeing as how I'm only 24. Or could it be linked to my constant thirst and one certain friend who is convinced I'm diabetic (which I'm not). I guess this question is too complex for my non-medically trained mind. Oh well. Until then I'll keep wearing my fingerless gloves and making arbitrary trips to the bathroom so I can run my hands under warm water.
Yay! I'm so glad you've been enjoying your prezzie.
I need more updates...so I checked here to no avail. Call me when you get a spare moment. :-)
Love you and miss you much!
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