fourteen

Being sick sucks.

I stayed home from work today. It was supposed to be my "last" day of the three-week trial period. Tomorrow will be that day instead. There has been no talk of me either staying or going. Which I have taken to be a bad sign and started looking for jobs again today.

I had another "Why am I here?" moment today. I was chatting online with a friend and we were talking about how I was sick and and what kind of sick and blah blah blah. It was suggested that I go to the doctor because this is a little worse than the common cold and my response was, "With what money and insurance?" And then I became kind of sad. I left a good job that was paying me well with job security. I had friends which I seem to be unable to make here. I wasn't getting sick once a month. Everyone I loved was, at the most, a day away. My life could be a lot harder, so I feel a little ridiculous letting myself get mopey. Being sick does not bring out the best in me. My parents can most definitely attest to 18 years of that. But sick or not, nervous or secure, I am growing and changing and becoming more like the person I want to be. And I think that makes all of this worth it.